Within 15 minutes from my home I have… 

two 95 year old grandparents (still married)

a 63 year old aunt

a 36 year old cousin, his wife & daughter

a 30 year old cousin & her husband

my mother & my son

     All of the above mentioned family members are directly related to me (save the spouses).  All of my family is well educated and fairly well off.  Not “rich” but very comfortable.  Which is important to know because none of them have 2nd jobs or are in school full time as an excuse.

     My Grandparents and Mother are physically declining rapidly as of this year.  My Mother has the added bonus of succumbing to mental illness.  Yet for now they are all still living alone with no “supportive care”.  

     In the past 24 months my Grandfather, Mother and out of state Father have all needed surgeries, stitches or medical treatments of some kind that are beyond the normal Dr.’s appointments.  During my Grandfather’s multiple falls he lost a TON of blood because of his blood thinner.  Most of this blood I mopped up, wiped off or laundered out myself.  Shortly after these falls we(and by this I mean my son and mother and I) moved my Grandparents from their larger condo to a smaller one next to an assisted living facility – just in case.  

     During these trying times and laborious tasks. not one of my family members (that is 5 other than the sick ones and myself) lifted a damned finger to help with any of this.  I even called my 36 yr old cousin for help when OUR grandfather fell and I couldn’t lift his 6″3 200lb frame off the kitchen floor from the pool of his own blood he was lying in and said cousin responded, “well what am I supposed to do about it?”.   It was only after my Grandfather had fallen 4 times and was actually hospitalized that my Aunt came to visit him.  

     Before you ask me why I didn’t call ambulances or get outside help, if you haven’t cared for an elderly family member, you should know that independence, pride , fear and humiliation are HUGE themes in all of this.  My Grandparents both believe that if they really need an ambulance it will somehow lead to them being forced against their will to live in a “home”.  So while I am able-bodied and willing, they would have me help until it is absolutely necessary.  And I oblige them.  They raised me and put band-aids on my knees and took me on trips all over the world and taught me more lessons about life than I can verbalize.

     Oh don’t get me wrong, the family members were ALL willing to help when we were getting rid of the antiques and books and china and crystal and furniture during the move.  Well – I guess help isn’t really correct… they were all ready to take things, with their hands out for more.

     It makes me cringe when I think about it.  When did our nation lose its sense of duty to family and respect for elders?  When did it become OK to ask for nice things or money from a family member and give nothing back in return?  I believe that is referred to as “mooching”.  

     My Grandparents raised me along side my Mom.  They taught me that you take care of each other – even when it involves blood and fecal matter.  And I have to say I am proud of that side of myself.  My son has learned it as well and has helped me in absolutely every part of this.  He is amazing and I attribute some of that to them as well.  They have loved him every moment of his life.

     Sadly, when my aloof Aunt starts to age and needs care I will probably be there and help her as well.  Her two kids haven’t proven much help before so it will be up to me.

     It is true what they say, you can choose your friends, but not your family.